Twenty - four

This household happiness did not come all at once, but John and Meg had found the key to it, and each year of married life taught them how to use it, unlocking the treasuries of real home love and mutual helpfulness, which the poorest may possess, and the richest cannot buy.

Louisa May Alcott, Little Woman.  

Hola blog! Look who just got another year older! And this year, she is feeling really blissed with her constant in life, who appeared fatefully two years back and has been by her side since then, short period indeed, but she is very much looking forward to count her blessing together with him years ahead. I'm positive that her life has become and will continue to be rather family-centric and life is going to be a great adventure for this pair of young lovers. Perhaps some days in life are meant to be rainy, may they learn to cherish each other in the most ordinary ways. 

And also, this marks the 10th year that she is jotting down moments of her birthday on this blog, and looking back, she had been a prime example of an insubordinate, defiant and emotional teenager in those younger days. It's so embarrassing to dig these out for she would like to bury all these posts into the deep past but alas, THIS ALPHANUMERICAL TYPOGRAPHY IS JUST TOO FUNNY LOOKING BACK AT IT NOW HAHAHAHA. Seriously, the 14 year old me???

Anyway, the funny ways of typing aside, I  have been pretty much a grumpy teenage girl during my secondary school days, though I remembered otherwise? I remember myself being unusually hyperactive outgoing and bubbly too? Or maybe I was entirely mistaken by myself Opps. Ah, those bittersweet rebellious adolescent years O' mine, struggling for control and acceptance, while yearning for attention and freedom. Sometimes I feel it's unjust to say that a youth's problem is no big deal for there are greater hurdles ahead in life. I feel that we face different kind of struggles and confusions at different life stage, and it's unfair to compare the problems now to younger days in isolation. The sorrow from losing your favourite toy at age of 5 could be equivalent to an investment that failed in adulthood. It's all about the perspectives. 

Alas, eventually I outgrown that intense out-of-control phase and start to locate and mould my own social identity in life, feeling grateful for the company of people of importance around me. Leaving behind me memories of ex- lovers from the past, the short tempered and easily agitated self (not entirely though, I am still working on this in fact ) It's strange how I might not have realised these subtly changes while living the moments but the change of tone and attitude are pretty drastic in my birthday posts in the years that come since then:

Wohoo, and here I am! Celebrating for my birth day again. 

This year, I have learnt to love myself and others a little more; a little kindness and consideration goes a long way. I got lost in finding my purpose and identity in life, but I figured that it is okay to get lost once a while, persevere through and always pick yourself back up in the fight. I have been to new places and lived different lives, while I look into others' lives with queer eyes, I feel a little more fortunate back in my own home. I have got hitched, graduated and awaiting for my first full time employment in the society, I am feeling anxious, anticipation and curious with this new phase of life I am embarking, but I also know that there is always a firm shoulder for me to lie on back at home every night. I love having to live in a clean and tidy place I could call it my own, but I am also learning the hours behind the scene to keep it the way I want it to be. I have learnt about reciprocating in a relationship and remind myself to be as gentle and caring as I could be, and to be open and upfront in conversations that makes the bond stronger. I am trying and probably will take a long time to stop arguing with my mum and instead pacify her in the pleasing and easy way. I still have many selfish needs and wants that pops in my head occasionally but I'm learning to let go of it sometimes. I wish to gain more discipline and dedication in achieving my personal goals in life and to not give in easily. I wish to become a stronger and wiser person at this time in another year. 

Till then,