Dear NUS part of me,

Time check: Year 4 Sem 2 Week 11. With two more weeks of undergraduate life left, I guess it's about time for me to bid goodbye to this 'Nus' part of me. The past four years has been, uh, a mixture of every lil human emotions. From the 19 year old me filled with curiosity and anticipation to the brand new 'university life' with all the fascinating tales from hearsay, to the 23 years me now who had led pretty much a mediocre student life the past four years.And along this timeline, choices were made, paths were chosen, with each and every decisions inevitably intertwining, (Though I'm still undecided between these two, is life is a destiny or free will?) I am where I am now today. 

In the past four years, I met a bunch of new people and some of which names I couldn't recall any longer except that their faces have become strangely familiar. That they have once crossed path with me at one stage of my university life. I remember first stepping into Nus at Temasek Hall for Arts Camp 2013, welcomed by an army of enthusiastic seniors, and that's where my university life first began. And that's when I first realize the power of connections and networks, that the camp wouldn't have been made possible for me if weren't for my friend back then who happen to know one of the OGL. (It actually took me awhile to recall this term, guess it's a good thing that I'm trying to recall and record down somethings now, perhaps 10 years down the road I would have forgotten most, if not all of these) Anyway, that was the sweet beginning, y'all know, a freshie who was all of a sudden overwhelmed by the new culture after being idle for eight months after the 'A's. 

I got into Sheares hall thereafter, (which again, was based purely on luck, to which I am grateful to) and hence began my two years of hall residence life in Nus. It was, perhaps, the best choice I have made in Nus, not that I have made much big choices in Uni, nor did I outshine and rise above the rest, nor did I had a stage of my own like many others to release my potential (because there was no talent/skills to begin with Ohwell). But still I enjoyed my two years there, perhaps it was this two years that made up bulk of my undergraduate life, for year 3 onward, I became increasingly detached to school. And I'm beginning to see it as nothing more than a manipulated social institution that I'm attending to obtain a certification at the end of the journey. In that two years, I have met lovely people on level 7 in Blk E, genuine, kind and comfortable people, occasionally I miss the days we were in such close proximity, that bind us together closely by conditions given, that gave us the opportunity and time to build our friendships with one another, unlike the many other hi-byes that I have been through with the ever changing faces in each tutorial classes every Semester. I miss invading into Gin's room any hour of the day, I miss having the most ridiculous and far from life conversations out of the blue. ):

There is nothing proud to bring onto the table when it comes to academic results. On the very first semester, with the absence of any seniors' words of advice, I took on a few modules that ended up as the most challenging and daring combination I have ever taken in university: Intro to Chinese studies, Intro to world religion, Intro to philosophy, Intro to Sociology and General Biology (Never touched since Sec 2). And with zero background on whatsoever, I was greeted by B+ B- B- S and a W for my first semester Hahahahaha. With that my CAP went straight into 3.0 and I spent the rest of my life (ok, 3.5years of my life), trying to save it. Not that it helped much. But I guess I have been very lenient with myself when it comes to grades, I would shamelessly admit that I have never put in my best, or rather, I was never very driven to bring it up, or perhaps I just gave up on the possibility of that. I don't know. But one ultimately have to rip what they sow, so here I am, sending resumes out day and night with no news coming back to me at all the past three months. It has been bothering me a little lately with my impending unemployed future but well, I guess in a way it's fair and square. Perhaps I need to fucking put in more effort in polishing my resume (though it doesn't feel like the Resume consultation helped because the adviser passed me the exact copy of a sample resume that I already found online) and secure myself with some economic stability asap. :')  

Now moving on to a lil reflection on my major of study: the unpopular and questionable choice of Geography. Albeit I would have never imagined that I would have chosen this path, because my Geography was dangling along the bottom 0.13% back in VJ for two years. Again, as I always am, indecisive over the major selection, by the end of end year 1 it eventually narrows down to Geography because I screwed up New media and Comms and I was not as passionate for Sociology anymore (than I was in Jc), and also perhaps partially because of my then boyf 's persuasion for me to join him in Geog. So here I am, a geography student after three years since my major declaration. Now here is some mixed feeling about it, I love the major for its richness and omnipresence in every walk of life, I love uncovering and understanding the underlying vulnerable groups within the society (though very often there is nothing we could/are doing bout it lol, but as people always say, raising awareness is where it all begin), I love learning about people's power relations and occasionally fun facts from all parts of the world. But here is the thing, it is equipping me with the kind of soft skills and critical thinking that is, unfortunately not economically productive (at least not explicitly), there is no differentiated and unique set of skills I could leverage on, there are theories we learnt about almost all aspects of life but again it's all just big talks. Although I acknowledge that should one be truly capable, they will shine no matter what. But as matter of fact, I am that mediocre student that has been occasionally cushioning the bellcurve the past four years, I wonder where do I fit into the society as I leave here. Where is the place that I will ultimately be? (Or crudely speaking, where is the place that will take me in) 

I hate to ask myself this but here it is, do I regret? 

I guess I do, a little here and there. Perhaps we all do, times we wish we could turn back in time. But we could only move forward. At the end of the day, I am still feeling grateful. I am thankful for the kind people I have met, who have helped me and offered me an listening year in one way or another. There are friends I lost along the way that I wish I have made them stay, there are friends I met who I wish we could understand each other a level deeper, there are friends who I look up to and wish I could learn a thing or two from them, there are stranger's faces who offered me a warm smile when our eyes met. The past four years might not been how I envisioned it to be, but it was still how I have lived through each and every other day, the training in the mud and rain; the Overseas CIP to Chiangrai, the laughter and tear in that past relationship, the vocal and challenging voices raised in tutorials, the time I walked my deceased Fighting fish along the corridor with dabeizhou chanting in the background, the time we crowd along the narrow level 7 corridor for hot and stuffy steamboat, the insane gym workouts with Qx and Tuna, and together with all the most genuine emotions I have felt the past four years, they have made me into the person I am today. 

I have grown a little more sentimental lately as I walk along the same stairs in school, not that I have been appearing in school much unless it was for project meetings in this final Sem. Just how the Nus landscape has changed, with the AS8 up and functioning, the old Src torn down and a new one being built, new and 'insta-worthy' seats and walls being furnished around the school now. Perhaps someday when I return to Nus again, I would have lose this familiar sense of belonging as the physical surrounding improves for the better constantly. The other day I was in the lecture hall for group presentations and as I watch each group go down to the stage, I strangely started to imagine all of us back to primary school settings, when we are all so young and naive still, and how has time changed and we all grown up and changed, preparing to enter the workforce. I don't know how much has the past 16 years of education prepared us for this transition now, but we have to prepare ourselves for it, willingly or by force. 

I think I am almost done with my impromptu and sudden impulse of my undergraduate life reflection. Dear Nus, thank you for the ride. And thank you to each and every of you who has crossed path with me in one way or another here. :) May you all find your place in life, and so do I, eventually. :')