Relationships.

It's a really chilling morning today with cool wind gushing through the window slit and I thought that this would be a perfect time to sit back and reflect with a cuppa of hot Milo beside to warm my stomach. Why do we commute to different people differently? Are the relationships we have with others a projection of the relationships we have within ourselves? Does being in contact with toxic people turns us into a ugly person as well? 

I ended off a conversation badly, and rather rudely with Tan yesterday. And I felt this instant guilt after I blurted my last sentence out which followed by him walking away really pissed. I didn't like my behaviour then but I couldn't put up with keeping status quo with him putting me at blame all the time either. I think I haven't been the kindest to him, but I don't know where lies the problem. 

I would like to think of myself not as the kindest of all but I tried to be as pleasant and considerate as I could all the time to anyone around me. I like to at least try to walk in their shoes and understand their behaviour and actions. I tried to feel empathy to people from all walks of life, but when it comes to Tan I felt like my patience is constantly running out and perhaps I didn't even sound nice to begin with. Very often I felt like he is being a controller and taker, not to the extreme but just feeling restricted and tiring at the end of the day.

And it troubles me because I started to question my own personalities and temper tolerance. Why did I became so mean yesterday, couldn't I have let matter rest simply by obliging and save all the grumblings, should I have just give in again and pacify him. Where did all these toxics come from. ): Am I a hypocrite with a poor tolerance and just pretending to be nice to others but get annoyed by the slightest words and actions? 

This is a poor piece of thoughts, I think I will get off the computer and do some yoga instead. Sigh.