To my very last boyfriend,
"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more,
that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.
That’s what I hope to give you forever."
I always knew penning down these thoughts is gonna be difficult, and I was never so right. There are so much I want to type into this space, every thing about you, all the heartfelt feelings you have been giving me, all the memories we have shared in the past one year. Never have I imagined I will be settling down with someone this early, and not to mention this fast.
It was in July when I first met you, and I didn't pay much attention to you despite seeing you frequently at Obar as the 'regulars', was guessing y'all were a bunch of guys who love to come by and chill together. ( To which I still can't believe it at times that you started coming because Lim told you that 'there is a girl might be your type here', and hence your frequent lingering thereafter. HAHAHA Wth, such planned conspiracy.) Anyway, it was until there was once you asked me how was my tuition in the day as I walked past that I felt a little amused for the very first time, that you actually remembered some details during our small talks. And there was the night that all of us has dinner at Beerfest, and that's when you cunningly got my number on the excuse of setting up Whassapp group. I can't retrieve the original photo anymore but I guess this is one of the very first photo we have taken together, I remember me getting all fascinated by the Beer brewing equipment beside the toilet and you slide into the frame very timely, perhaps that's when I got the earliest feeling that 'Orhooo, somebody is trying to be sneaky here'. And you just totally gave yourself away by the personal message that night to check if I'm homed safely despite sending me to the lift already HAHAHA.
From there we started texting occasionally, and it was quite an indecisive period since it was rather obvious to me that you were interested while me on the other hand was attached to Tan for almost two years. Eventually I decided to agree to a dinner with you, and to show hand that we need to distant away, although I wouldn't deny that perhaps a part of me wanted to get to know you a little better at the same time. And it turned out that I really enjoyed the dinner, the small political thoughts sharing in the midst of GE2015, and noticing the subtly gentlemen gestures you made by switching sides with me near the traffic. As it happened, I still didn't manage to convey the message to you even until we were by the lift below my house, eventually I dropped you a text that we need to distant away, and I remembered telling you that you have met me at the wrong time. And I wondered if you could read the underlying message of it back then.
Anyway clearly, somehow our story did not end there. I spent the entire week after our dinner on Monday thinking back and about everything and eventually made the decision to break up with Tan, I guessed that even if we aren't going to be together, I knew very well that Tan wasn't the right one for me since the beginning. Times later, you asked me if I broke off because of you, guess the truth was really that I always knew Tan wasn't meant for me and I will never be satisfied, your appearance in my life was the catalyst then, to end it off. After which we met up much more, had more interactions and understanding you a little more each and every time, you had always been putting my well-being and feelings as the foremost priorities, you had been suggesting to go to places that pleasant surprise me as those are places I really enjoy heading to too, and like what Chua said after she met you, that I have finally met someone who is on the same frequency with me on intellectual conversations, it was comfortable talking to you on anything at all, an random article we pluck out from the internet, a flash of thought that appeared in my head, bits and pieces of memories from our childhood times. Worrying about boring emptiness with you became redundant, for there isn't a moment that I didn't enjoy time spent with you, be it full of vibrancy or quiet strolling along the parks.
Despite that, getting together with you ( officially ) came much faster than I have expected it to be. For I thought that I should learn from my lessons and give more time this time before jumping into a relationship again. It was a barely a month after my last relationship that you asked me to be your girlfriend, and the day before you have asked me to dress up for dinner the next day, that was enough hints hahaha. Yes it was some great time spent together but was I ready for the next commitment in life? I didn't know at that time for sure. But you were so sincere that night, a lovely dinner, a small bouquet, a pretty gift ( to which I broke it accidentally Oh man D: ), guess I must have been bought over by the irresistible tasty steak that night Hahahah. But alas, a year later and you are still the same old caring gentlemen I have known from the beginning, I must have been really really lucky.
And it turns out that the past one year has been the happiest and most meaningful romantic relationship I ever had in life. It was wonderful with JC as well but I guess never did we shared such deep and intimate connections with each other, maybe I was too young, maybe most of the time I looked up to him as an aspiration instead. But Lnr was so down to earth kind of person, while I had to also admit, pampering me like no others did. Going around void decks together to paste my DIY tuition brochures ( that got me zero jobs thou ); secretly going down to another H&M outlet to get the skirt that was out of stock; going around different stations to grab Gudetama Ezlink cards; always letting me get the first bite of the food; giving me a massage despite you tired as well after a long day; waking up in wee hours with me to go to observatory looking for Jupiter; and so much more. It has always left a deep impression to me on the night we met after you came back from a Offshore trip, and you carried your heavy laptop around just so you could make the decision only after you hear my opinion and preference first, and you have always been this thoughtful, all the time. And it never fails to remind myself to learn from you, to become a better lover for you, from the past and into the future.
As the saying goes, every relationship has its own problems, we had our fair share, though I would say that it largely didn't come from within us but around us. I guess the beginning was tough for us, firstly from my break up with Tan, and there after from my mum and aunt who were extremely disapproval of us. It was almost like an underground lover with you hiding near the stairs when sending me home hehehe. For those who really knows, my mum and aunt are two toughest person anyone probably want to deal with especially when they set their mind up and completely block out other options. It was horrible times when they passed comments that upsets both of us, I could never understand how Lnr must have felt but never once he blamed me or even them for any distasteful comments they passed, he listened with respect and while all I did was to cry and apologise behind their back. I feared that history are repeating and I couldn't imagine the life ahead. But to my greatest pleasant surprise, their attitude started to soften down as time passed and slowly Lnr started to appear in my house more often, and eventually le mum started inviting him over for herbal soups / bird nest. As they have mentioned, it was Lnr's sincerity that made them slowly change their attitudes to him and I am more than grateful how everything has all changed for the better now. At the beginning I naively thought that I would have to be the bridge between le mum and Lnr through heated conversations, but what happened seems just the opposite, Lnr has become the mediator between le mum and me, guiding me be a better daughter.
And here we are one year later, you have popped the question, to ask for my hand to be your companion for the rest of our life. Thinking back, we first touched on the our housing topic as early as one month into the relationship, and we felt it was way too early, by May this year, we have applied for the Sales of Balance flat ( though it's a shame we got outbid Hmph ). Having said these, I was confident enough back then that you will be the one person I want to live my everyday with, and that I want to share yours too, your joy and your troubles. I appreciate how you are often very apologetic that you couldn't propose first before we get into serious talk on housing and marriage. And despite it being very much fixated already, thank you sweetheart for putting up such a wonderful surprise ( though I had to admit that there was too much loopholes that gave you away ), but this is the best it could have been, that I knew it was coming without too much details on what was exactly going to happen. During the younger days, I imagined my proposal to by the nature, on a quiet night, and my boyfriend would give me a heartwarming and sincere confession, and a remote helicopter would fly to us timely, with a ring dangling at the bottom. So on this very special night, when you appeared some distant away with a remote helicopter beside, my heart skipped a beat and I thought that here it comes! Though my heart skipped much more beats as you kept crashing the helicopter onto the tree and my mind was plainly 'Oh my please faster propose before you lose the ring!' Hahahahah.
But well, turns out the helicopter was there just purely to satisfied my lil fantasy and the actual proposal came thereafter as you guide me through lighting up the (Taobao) LED candles at the back of the yacht, as you kneel I think my head was a lil spinning that it actually happened, our families and friends were cheering together with people from the nearby yachts, and I saw your mouth moving though I could barely piece your words together due to the cheering. At one point I heard someone shouted 'why kneel so long one!' and then next I heard your voice, 'will you marry me?' Guess I was overjoyed while a lil shy in front of so many people, and I have to say I was really anxious to see our masterpiece from FairysInc - the Totoro ring ( shall leave the story of that to another day ). I don't know if that was the happiest moment of my life, for I felt there were so many moments of heartfelt happiness with you, and I believe there will be much more to come. We weren't dressed up for the special night, but I felt just as beautiful and happy like a kido with you in our Mickey mouse Tees. Perhaps everything was already made perfect as long as you are beside me. :'D
With that, I accept you as my last boyfriend and favourite lover in life. Thank you for being such a caring, sincere, generous and thoughtful partner; thank you for bringing the child out in me as we swing our arms high on the roads; for making me feel so showered with love every day; for listening out for each other and never blame me on matters small or big; for forgiving my never ending carelessness and forgetful self; for loving all the human side of me all my flaws and imperfections; for being the single person that I wish to spend time with all the time. With that, may we work towards loving each other a little more with every single day that pass by. I love you, dearest fiancé.
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