3.

Feeling like I have been detached from the world, and this feeling probably began as early as I moved out from Sheares almost a year back. Guess everything is about finding the balance in life, too much of anything does no good.

Been trying to squeeze time out to blog and to reflect about my life recently, but time is just never on my side. Nonetheless I'm back to this familiar place while the 3000 words research proposal is going to write on its own. As I was submitting my NUS transcript together with my internship application the other day, I started wondering how did I fare personally the past three years, what have I done badly for? What I regretted choosing? What I enjoyed most? If given another chance, how would I have reset the game? Today I received a JTC job opening mail from the department, and under requirement it states 'good honours degree in Real Estate, Economics, Geography and Urban Planning', and I wonder what have I done in Nus in paving my road, or did it ever cross my mind. 

A week or two ago I was considering to graduate without honours given that 1. Grades aren't good currently. 2. It's likely to not meet 3.5 this semester. 3. 8 level 4000 modules sounds insanely heavy loaded when I'm already struggling so bad the past three years.  But given that my mum did not give me any space for negotiation it's a straight No. Oh well. Since there is no point lamenting my lack of decision making power, guess all I can do is readjust my own mentality about it. 

I wonder where is the balance in making one's own decision and fulfilling the asian filial piety and respect for parents. And where am I going to draw the line for my children in time to come. Okay let's not go so far into the future yet. 

There is a number of people I miss right now, ali is one, 940 is one, and myself is another. It feels that there have been a lot of 'personally character development talks' this year, or more specially, maybe since Jw starting to become a part of my greater-than-self family sphere. I concede that there is a lot of things I should improve on, pay more attention to details in life, managing the mother-daughter relationship better, grow more self confidence, manage my emotion fluctuations better, just to name a few. Ohwell, is this a reflection of the saying that 'a good lover makes you a better person'? And where is the balance between being ourself and constantly pushing for an ideal self?  

Right, shall not dwell on this for too long, there are bigger things in life, such as start on the research paper now. And on the highlight, one more day to Bali getaway with Jw~ :')