Dear blog,

Dear blog, what would you have done.

What would you have done if for two years, you were in a fairly decent relationship. No big quarrels, no completely turning of the world around like in the past. It wasn't what you were hoping for, he wasn't what you wanted, but you could see him putting in effort, slowly changing, changing for you,. There are happy times, but your feelings for him were volatile, at times you find it disheartening that he isn't giving you what you wanted, at times you feel very appreciative of the efforts he put in. The relationship wasn't a unhappy one, but again, something is always missing from it. He isn't perfect - but so aren't you. You were never very sure that he is the person you want to marry to, but you move along in the relationship anyway. For whatever reasons it could have been, if not love. Comfort? Reliance? Convenience? You may argue.

And at some point of time, someone else entered the picture. Someone that you never give a second thought at the start. And you slowly felt that he is interested in you, and you tried to get away from it. One day he asked you out for dinner nearby, and you paused to think for very long, and eventually you decided to go for it, talk things out with him, tell him that you are not interested in him, and that he should stop what he is doing. But that one night, things changed, you realized that he might have just been the one you wanted all these while. And he just appeared in your life, so unexpectedly, at a wrong time.

And you felt like your world became a mess, you didn't know what to do. Should you forget about whatever happened and get your life back to the original track, or should you be an asshole and chase after what you wanted. Eventually your actions made it clear, what you wanted to do deep down inside. Are you wrong? Perhaps. But you see love is never fair, you committed something wrong but it's never guaranteed that something bad will definitely struck you. You can hurt a person so badly and just walk away with another. 

I don't know how to judge myself, if I have to. Am I a unfaithful girlfriend whose heart swing to someone else when I was still attached; am I a selfish person who only think of myself and my own needs? Or am I just taking a leap of faith and chase after what I might regret in the future if I let it slip away? Maybe a little of both, or maybe none of the above. Yes I felt sorry for my actions, blurting out a break up when everything seems to be on a smooth sailing. But honestly, I do not regret it. I might have just been the worst girlfriend you have had, and ever will have in your life, I'm sorry, but I know that I can't compensate for what I have done to you. If you deem this as I had cheated on you and played with your feelings for two years, I guess I wouldn't argue for myself, if this is how you have to see it as. I started everything after all didn't I?