the 15 me.

I recognise the fact that I have a very blissful life: family and friends that care for me, living in a stable country, access to higher education and adequate public transport system. I have dreams, and I know that they will come true. Not all may agree but we do in fact have inequality of opportunities, based on which part of the world you were born, what's the education level of parents, what kind of environment did you grow up in. Some things can be manifested, yet many others are pre-destiny. We are born with unequal chances to be success in life. And I think I am on the fortunate side. 

During commuting, I always find myself think back to my younger days, and I wonder if others do the same, or are they preoccupied with their phones. When I was very young, I love sitting at the front row of the upper deck, like many kids, it gives me the 'bus-driver' feeling, in control of the entire bus. And when I reach my teen days I love sitting at the back, I love hopping onto random bus and get off at random places, I love leaning my face against the window, not knowing how dirty the glass could have been. And during those times, I had dreams of the future, I imagine myself growing older and what kind of person will I become, I imagined myself taking random buses still, with someone I love. I imagine myself going to piano concerts and fall in love with the pianist's magical touches on the keyboard, I imagine myself pretty clothes and doll myself up looking beautiful everyday. And the list never ends. 

I have the freedom that I never had when I was younger, but I have lost the impulsiveness in me. I became lazier, I start to stick to the old routine, nothing new. I feel like I never have enough time in life, I feel like my time are so packed week after week, and I wish I have more time for myself. I always believe that everything is about priorities, so why am I not prioritising myself? I want to live a much quieter life, go to school on some days, and wander to a quiet corner to study for the rest of the day, head home and have a good night sleep; I want to wake up everyday feeling energetic and motivated enough to exercise in any forms, and kick start the day feeling rejuvenated, instead of sloth around. I recognise that this is the best time I have left in life, before I graduate and get a proper job and start the mandatory routine life like any average graduate. I want to see changes in my life, I want to have the power to allocate my time. It's ironic to say this because I made the choices myself, but at the same time I feel like I'm always not living the life I want to lead. 

The change starts now. I shall live up to my imaginations when I was 15. That's who I want to become. And to my special someone, you are the best thing that happened to me in life, and I knew from the moment that we sat outside the classroom door together, that I have found the best friend I could ever ask for in life, you have created the happiest memories I have had in life, you are the most sincere and kind and loving lady I have met in my life, and I wish you were here with me, for very long I felt like something is missing in life, it was you all along.