Sometimes sorry is not enough.
I'm finally, eventually, ultimately, done with my part of the damn Geog project.Holy shit that took me days. Reading through all the annual reports. Though I foresee rounds of editing after everybody's contributions, it's comforting to know that I'm done with one tiny little project, yay! Five more to go... five fucking more. I guess that's the price to pay for having just one Mid term then. Which thankfully, is over last Friday.
This post took me really long to get started because, I couldn't sort out my thoughts ( not that I am now though.) and it scares me to start typing since once it's posted, you can't erase it again. You got to be sure that this is exactly what you want to express, and not to type it out and regret thereafter. Like Opps, actually things aren't like this and I didn't mean it.
Time passed, no matter anything. It's been two weeks since I got myself trying to adjust to the new hall life. After spending one entire semester together almost every other day, it frankly felt empty to go back hall everyday sitting in front of the table thinking between 'What have I done' and 'What do I do now'. There are so much daily routine and habits you got to end abruptly and adapt to something entirely new, taking away back-scratching, goodbye kisses, snuggle in together, stop carrying piles of books down every night, curb the urge to deliver the laundries up. I've always wondered how it would be for couples to break up but yet seeing each other still, like strangers. And here we are at it, and I guess that's what saddens me the most. Looking at a person be it close or far, you know so much about that particular person but it doesn't matter anymore, not at all. From one moment on all the connections were cut off, and each of us move on with our own life paths. To add on to the guilt I kept telling myself that it all started with me, that I created such miseries.Damn.
Well, but I don't regret, I guess. It was probably right and for the best of both of us, or at least for myself. I always knew what I want deep down inside isn't it. Resolving it at last has finally remove the emotional baggage I carried with me all these while, the confusion the guilt the regret. I stopped thinking, most of the time. Maybe some other day I will pick up a pen and write you another letter drop you another bomb, only time could tell. I have never consider myself as a hopelessly romantic so who knows what's gonna happen in just another day. What's left for the semester seems pretty clear, that's it to pull CAP and to get fit. And things are doing pretty fine, albeit mandatory. Camping at library after lessons every day till dinner, hitting the gym or muaythai or pilate or a run at night, with bootcamp coming in every Wed soon. Guess that's one lil down side to singlehood then, that life is often as still as water without any emotional rollercoaster rides. Well let's embrace the freedom that comes with it and let the heart changes from being vulnerable to becoming dominating again.
Some say that we should gather all the sadness in February because it's the shortest month of the year.
So, to everyone, the best things in life are on their way. Stay open :)
Ciaos. (And I finally know what this means.)
This post took me really long to get started because, I couldn't sort out my thoughts ( not that I am now though.) and it scares me to start typing since once it's posted, you can't erase it again. You got to be sure that this is exactly what you want to express, and not to type it out and regret thereafter. Like Opps, actually things aren't like this and I didn't mean it.
Time passed, no matter anything. It's been two weeks since I got myself trying to adjust to the new hall life. After spending one entire semester together almost every other day, it frankly felt empty to go back hall everyday sitting in front of the table thinking between 'What have I done' and 'What do I do now'. There are so much daily routine and habits you got to end abruptly and adapt to something entirely new, taking away back-scratching, goodbye kisses, snuggle in together, stop carrying piles of books down every night, curb the urge to deliver the laundries up. I've always wondered how it would be for couples to break up but yet seeing each other still, like strangers. And here we are at it, and I guess that's what saddens me the most. Looking at a person be it close or far, you know so much about that particular person but it doesn't matter anymore, not at all. From one moment on all the connections were cut off, and each of us move on with our own life paths. To add on to the guilt I kept telling myself that it all started with me, that I created such miseries.Damn.
Well, but I don't regret, I guess. It was probably right and for the best of both of us, or at least for myself. I always knew what I want deep down inside isn't it. Resolving it at last has finally remove the emotional baggage I carried with me all these while, the confusion the guilt the regret. I stopped thinking, most of the time. Maybe some other day I will pick up a pen and write you another letter drop you another bomb, only time could tell. I have never consider myself as a hopelessly romantic so who knows what's gonna happen in just another day. What's left for the semester seems pretty clear, that's it to pull CAP and to get fit. And things are doing pretty fine, albeit mandatory. Camping at library after lessons every day till dinner, hitting the gym or muaythai or pilate or a run at night, with bootcamp coming in every Wed soon. Guess that's one lil down side to singlehood then, that life is often as still as water without any emotional rollercoaster rides. Well let's embrace the freedom that comes with it and let the heart changes from being vulnerable to becoming dominating again.
Some say that we should gather all the sadness in February because it's the shortest month of the year.
So, to everyone, the best things in life are on their way. Stay open :)
Ciaos. (And I finally know what this means.)
Comments