Out of comfort zone.

“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game”

This post is very much delayed since IHG ended almost two weeks back for I have been procrastinating, and also partially waiting for the photos to be uploaded.  Well, after a semester in Road relay and Soccer, everything eventually leads up to the IHG and there we are; One chance, and nothing else. 

The semester kicked off with Road relay first, consisting of 6 relayer running 2.2km each, though I'm rather skeptical about the distance and it felt like 1.8km instead. As expected of me, I got nervous since hours before the competition and felt the immerse stress for being the first runner. ( A lil background here is that Sheares' sports isn't strong and it's very much expected that we will come in last. ) The race itself felt like the run of my life, the stress when others overtook me, the struggle to run up the humps, the urge to run a little faster, take a step wider. Frankly I don't remember the half marathon being this stressful. Back then it was a test of perseverance. Anyhow I came back last with a timing of 8min43sec, personal best and contented enough, since my intension of joining RR was solely to train my stamina and find an excuse to run. Also I believe it's fair enough that others overtake me for they have more years of experience, and should I continue to train every week I would achieve their timing in the future too. And I have no doubt on that, I will definately never give up running in my life. :)  

Moving on from there I embraced soccer IHG in less than a week's time. I remembered playing soccer at the cage for the first time half a year ago and that's when I decided that "This is it, I want to play soccer in Nus.' And thankfully enough I got the chance to in Sheares. Again, we aren't a strong team to begin with, almost all of us have no prior experience. Somedays I drag myself to trainings knowing that my skills is nowhere near to good. Glad that I sticked through soccer for the sem and eventually kicked some balls around on the field. Though to be frank the team weren't close as a whole, ( or maybe cause there're only two people from my Blk that joined. ) I enjoyed the game deeply. If I could I will definitely continue next year, or you will see me roaming around for IFG at the very least. :) 

A week later I set off to Pulau ubin for a 7Habits OBS camp  with Binglian largely cause I like obstacle courses and pragmatically speaking, it's a free 2d2n camp yay. Not to sound shallow but my sole goal was to lose a kg over there actually, which thankfully I did though by the end of it, it's the most trivial take away. Throughout the camps 7 different habits to become an effective person was then taught to us bit by bit. Albeit I won't deny that they are very useful tips in life, ( things like being proactive, have an end in mind, think first things first etc. ) its unavailing if we do not incorporate them into our lives, reminding ourselves to live by the 'habits' everyday. Well I mean I will try to start on one or two, everything is worth trying. The most is that you fail, but you can always stand up and fight back over again.

Two full days of OBS covered team bonding strategic games, trekking, paddling, jetty jump and ultimately the highlight of the camps; high elements obstacles. It's comforting to see myself improving over the years, becoming more daring and physically fitter. Fear is indeed what holds us back all the best, the fear of falling hence I hesitate when climbing a step higher, the fear that I couldn't hold myself when I let go one of my hand. And sometimes we really need someone to be there supporting us,  should it not been an buddy challenge ( we were connected by a belt strap ) I would have gave up halfway. But you know you can't just let go when someone is behind following, they are waiting for you to lead to push yourself up, also I would be guilty if I fell halfway and pulled her down with me. Much of a burden. This's where synergy is really important, the encouragement we gave each other when we were up there. The leap of faith we took believing in ourselves to reach the top. :) I'm proud of myself and us that we managed to complete it wootz. If only I could gather courage for more things in life. To get out of my comfort zone, to achieve something more, to beat more challenges.

That pretty much sums up the first month of 2014, doing wonderfully great I would say. And on a side note, joining Muaythai is probably one of the best choice I've made in 2014 thus far. The insane and intense pts feels like little challenge for the day. One down to my to-do-list in Nus and one new goal added, that's it to get into the Nus Fight team. :) 

And then I saw someone, the same vibes, the same way of talking, the same smile, the same things you did, even the looks are notably alike. I dared not look. Holy fuck. This reminds me of the huge crush I had back then during the internship on some presenter that again, gave me the same vibes. A year and half later it seems to be still haunting me down, things undid, words unsaid. And I could possibly never move on. Sigh. I'm open for judgements here, feeling the things I shouldn't be feeling, having expectations I shouldn't be hoping. And only if I have the courage to face it, once and for all. 

I need to. sigh.