Unconditioned love

Who is the one that knows and accept every little habit of you, both the good and bad? Who will be the one to wait for you to come home late at night, cut and slice fruits for you while you study, folds your clothes tidies your bed everyday? Who calls you thrice a day to remind you to eat medicine when you are sick, to bring jacket along when it rains, refills your water everytime you leave the house? Who do you think in this world loves you, unconditionally? No matter you are sick or ugly, fat or thin, good or bad, irritating or unreasonable. 

Ten good weeks staying away from home, and last night was the first time I miss home. I miss you, mama. ): I miss you waking me up every morning, I miss the sound of your keychains whenever you come home in the evening, I miss you asking me to sleep early every night before the clock even hits twelve.

Sure enough that I’m doing well here by myself in Sheares, I have friends to hang around with, in and out of lessons. I learnt to feed myself well, balanced diet, exercise daily if possible. I learnt to be grateful when others are nice to me without any obligation and to be kind to others. But I miss how I was loved by someone like you everyday. Without a doubt you still do, just as much now; you always call to ask if I need anything from NTUC, you call to question why din’t I call you, you text me with your broken English to tell me you miss me. I’m sorry that I din’t call you regularly, rarely once a week only if necessary. I’m sorry I don’t tell you Imy too when you told me so. I was just not a person with fanciful words. Sorry.

We are all someone’s child, and we will always be loved by them deeply. And that no one else in this world would ever love us as much. And perhaps that’s how we learn to love too. And throughout our life, we would always be seeking for such unconditional love, but one’s lover would never love you like how your parent did, if you don’t reciprocate their love, one day they would leave eventually.

I’m coming home tomorrow, yay. Shooooo happy. So glad that I could still say this shamelessly at the age of twenty, for that I am always your child, and that I know I will always be loved. ):

-

It wasn't a smooth journey from the start. It's been more than a decade, since we first met, or rather the first memory I had from my perspective;

I was primary 3 back then, as I would always remember, I came home from school and there you were sitting on the sofa. Just as I was waiting for my grandma's explanation she did, 'aiyo why you stand there, come and greet your mum.' I nodded, said hi politely with a little shyness and hid behind my grandma. That was how we met. 

You were always a mystery to me, for years after. I din't understand you, I din't even know you. And for years I felt that I din't need you. We quarrelled we fought we screamed at each other, days after days. During the first few years, you din't like the daily 'bad' habits I had, you scolded me for countless small things, you forced me to do assignments one after another. I began to forge your signature for tests, I stole your money, I lied half the time for remedials. Then began my teenage years, things got worse during those periods, I hated you and hated myself even more. I remember the disappointment and desperation in your eyes, the anger and sarcasm in your tone, I remember the slaps you landed on me and how I fought back equally. And thankfully, even that period passed. It definitely din't come easy, after eight years of living together. Days were much more peaceful thereafter, though at times we still raise our voices, maybe once or twice a year. 

And now, and the age of twenty. I started missing you, away from home. ): Sigh. There won't be anyone that love me the way you do, and I don't know how many more years do I have with you before I eventually move on and step into marriage, become someone else's mum. I miss all the things you did for me, I miss how pampered I actually was at home, I miss you mum. Agh, why am even in hall still. I'm sorry, sorry that you have no one to talk to everyday now, sorry that you stopped cooking at home cause nobody's home to eat,  sorry that I was so inconsiderate and insisted to stay in hall. Sigh. ): 

I couldn't even find a photo of us together, well. Here's the bear you got for me from Korea, sorry. ):