Reflections
Time check, 3.30am.
I was suppose to be sleeping since half an hour ago but the consecutive lucid dreams and sleep paralysis are getting on my nerves and freaking me out. I thought it would be fine after the first one but it continued and repeated for at least five more paralysis. Alright not that I'm extremely terrified by them but it's annoying that I can't sleep in peace. That the dreams seems scarily real and I have to struggle to wake myself up, together with the fear that surrounds me when I couldn't move myself. Hence I decide to get up and clear some of my thoughts instead.
One month into hall life, ( I'm sorry about my frequent mentioning of hall life but that's what makes up almost 80% of my uni life, let's spare the pathetic remaining 20% to lecture and tutorials. ) I've met and talked to a number of people, made a couple of friends, and not to forget, a rather special one. All kinds of folks exist indeed, I believe that everyone is generally nice, despite the fact that I've learnt that no secret can be kept in hall. Let's stop labelling something as a secret so long as you told it to any person other than yourself on planet Earth. If you really want to keep something a secret, keep it to none other than yourself.
Week three into academic sem, and it finally drawn upon me that I'm here in uni to obtain knowledge, to gain skills in learning. Hall life had been such a great commitment / component in Nus that for the past three weeks, I honestly forget everything about studies, until I stepped into the tutorials this week, where I realize that the majority, if not all, kept up with their readings and come to tutorials well prepared. While I come with an open and empty mind, it was then I realize how far behind I was. While I'm enjoying the company of hall, the rest of the Nus population are studying for their future. Though to be frank I'm getting less and less involved in hall activities, my passion for being an active hall kid is dying off slowly and now all I want everyday is plenty of time, time to settle my readings and weekly assignments. I don't have to be ahead of the lessons but come on, at least let me be on par. That should be the least I could do. Which I guess this explains why am I here on a Sat night, trying to absorb knowledge like a sponge, but the sponge has just overloaded for the night.
And, I met someone here. Someone that I want to know more about; someone that I would care for; someone that I could connect with well, even I'm surprised by myself because to be frank, he isn't anywhere near what I expect I would fall for here. But it happened indeed, however it strange as it may be. That leads to me realizing that all the expectations we set for our partners are redundant because in reality, things are unlikely to turn out the way we planned it to be. We mortals can't play God after all. But, considering that I'm hoping my next relationship to last through decades. It's still early to decide for anything, what's more there're much uncertainty about each other, there's plenty of time to get to know each other, especially here in hall where it's hard to even not to see each other given the limited premises. If it's meant to be, it will be. Apart from the factor of pure affections, there're many other factors to consider too. One should be responsible for his or her own action, and before we love anyone else, we should first learn to love ourselves.
Family wise, agh I don't really intend to elaborate given that it's quite personal and also, there isn't a need to. I don't think anyone should restrict another person from doing anything that person chose to do, even if it's morally wrong. We don't live their life we will never understand how it is like to live under their skins.
Back to academic aspects, I'm seriously considering dropping one of the core mods I'm taking now. It's going to be a waste of time because I know no shit sigh, and the whole tutorial class is PRC scholars damn. I accept the fact that at times others may be ahead of me at the starting point, but competing with those is equivalent to me still rushing to the venue whilst everyone else has already finished the race. If I could I wouldn't want to be such a coward and give up without even trying but, facing such intense competition, I really don't know where to draw my courage from. It's like fighting a losing war, not to mention it will be at the expenses of screwing up other mods too. Well, it's time that I need to decide for myself whatever I think it's the best for myself.
And lastly I have been trying to pick myself up from the setback of gaining back five kg and lose it off yet again, but apparently things aren't in my favor. Nothing much to blame for because it's all in my mind. Agh, but considering that I'm awake for almost 20 hours everyday, it's just hard to stick to a strict diet like how I before. But again, people could never change their life until they change something they do daily. The secret of success is usually found in our daily routine. Let's start afresh and keep trying, no many how times I failed. It's never the end unless I give up isn't it.
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.
I was suppose to be sleeping since half an hour ago but the consecutive lucid dreams and sleep paralysis are getting on my nerves and freaking me out. I thought it would be fine after the first one but it continued and repeated for at least five more paralysis. Alright not that I'm extremely terrified by them but it's annoying that I can't sleep in peace. That the dreams seems scarily real and I have to struggle to wake myself up, together with the fear that surrounds me when I couldn't move myself. Hence I decide to get up and clear some of my thoughts instead.
One month into hall life, ( I'm sorry about my frequent mentioning of hall life but that's what makes up almost 80% of my uni life, let's spare the pathetic remaining 20% to lecture and tutorials. ) I've met and talked to a number of people, made a couple of friends, and not to forget, a rather special one. All kinds of folks exist indeed, I believe that everyone is generally nice, despite the fact that I've learnt that no secret can be kept in hall. Let's stop labelling something as a secret so long as you told it to any person other than yourself on planet Earth. If you really want to keep something a secret, keep it to none other than yourself.
Week three into academic sem, and it finally drawn upon me that I'm here in uni to obtain knowledge, to gain skills in learning. Hall life had been such a great commitment / component in Nus that for the past three weeks, I honestly forget everything about studies, until I stepped into the tutorials this week, where I realize that the majority, if not all, kept up with their readings and come to tutorials well prepared. While I come with an open and empty mind, it was then I realize how far behind I was. While I'm enjoying the company of hall, the rest of the Nus population are studying for their future. Though to be frank I'm getting less and less involved in hall activities, my passion for being an active hall kid is dying off slowly and now all I want everyday is plenty of time, time to settle my readings and weekly assignments. I don't have to be ahead of the lessons but come on, at least let me be on par. That should be the least I could do. Which I guess this explains why am I here on a Sat night, trying to absorb knowledge like a sponge, but the sponge has just overloaded for the night.
And, I met someone here. Someone that I want to know more about; someone that I would care for; someone that I could connect with well, even I'm surprised by myself because to be frank, he isn't anywhere near what I expect I would fall for here. But it happened indeed, however it strange as it may be. That leads to me realizing that all the expectations we set for our partners are redundant because in reality, things are unlikely to turn out the way we planned it to be. We mortals can't play God after all. But, considering that I'm hoping my next relationship to last through decades. It's still early to decide for anything, what's more there're much uncertainty about each other, there's plenty of time to get to know each other, especially here in hall where it's hard to even not to see each other given the limited premises. If it's meant to be, it will be. Apart from the factor of pure affections, there're many other factors to consider too. One should be responsible for his or her own action, and before we love anyone else, we should first learn to love ourselves.
Family wise, agh I don't really intend to elaborate given that it's quite personal and also, there isn't a need to. I don't think anyone should restrict another person from doing anything that person chose to do, even if it's morally wrong. We don't live their life we will never understand how it is like to live under their skins.
Back to academic aspects, I'm seriously considering dropping one of the core mods I'm taking now. It's going to be a waste of time because I know no shit sigh, and the whole tutorial class is PRC scholars damn. I accept the fact that at times others may be ahead of me at the starting point, but competing with those is equivalent to me still rushing to the venue whilst everyone else has already finished the race. If I could I wouldn't want to be such a coward and give up without even trying but, facing such intense competition, I really don't know where to draw my courage from. It's like fighting a losing war, not to mention it will be at the expenses of screwing up other mods too. Well, it's time that I need to decide for myself whatever I think it's the best for myself.
And lastly I have been trying to pick myself up from the setback of gaining back five kg and lose it off yet again, but apparently things aren't in my favor. Nothing much to blame for because it's all in my mind. Agh, but considering that I'm awake for almost 20 hours everyday, it's just hard to stick to a strict diet like how I before. But again, people could never change their life until they change something they do daily. The secret of success is usually found in our daily routine. Let's start afresh and keep trying, no many how times I failed. It's never the end unless I give up isn't it.
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.
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