Dear beloved,

Unlike most who suffer from Monday blues, I do enjoy Mondays.

It's a day that I get to reach home in shortest time possible from work, with a all clear road on express way home, given that most of the days it's jammed and move like a snail. It's a day that I will countdown to 11.30am and head off to the gym, burn some calories away so that I can have my cheat meal at night. It's a day that I get to gaze at the JC-look-and-feel-alike guy during the mandatory WIP meeting, though he is well, in his late 30s and has a 5 yo daughter. Hahaha now this just made me sound absolutely insane but I swear they have that slight similar physical features and he gives people that same easy going, pleasant and entertaining aura. Right that's enough of my crazy obsession.

I guess a lot, especially for people from the same Ahs batch as me, would agree that this year hasn't been very kind. People are passing away out of the blue, sudden, unforeseen, unexpected. Any word that fits in the situations.I honestly don't recall things being so bad in any year I've lived so far, and it finally got onto my nerves last week followed by a sudden surge of terror and feeling lost; what if the next is me, my family, or just anyone I love. What if? And what do I do then? What if I were to be gone any moment from now, but with so much words unsaid, so much things unaccomplished. So I thought that it will be good that I'll just pen down some thoughts here that I would want to let the following loved ones know, before it's too late. We never know when our time is up, and I doubt anyone knows. We are all born to die, and quoting from Mitch albom; once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.

亲爱的妈妈；后爸, 

感谢的话其实有很多，不胜枚举。我承认长期以来我对于家庭没有太大的概念，直到近两年，更确切地说，今年。从年初老弟过来新加坡呆了一个月，体验了家里有个弟弟的乐趣与烦恼之外，到最近家里稀里糊涂出现的小插曲，让我的小心脏担心受怕了那么一丢丢。随之猛然发现，咦？原来自己对这个家还蛮恋恋不舍的。好比，打从实习开始每天一下班都有种想立刻马上片刻就回家的冲动，到星期天补完课后宁可回家躺在沙发上虚度时光也不想出门溜达的念头。所以我想感谢你们，提供给我一个如此舒适的居所，虽然你们和恩爱相差甚远，但是我还是要感谢我每天回家不需要面对像父母鸡飞蛋打的种种，没有吵闹没有对骂，大家就这么按部就班，有节奏性的生活在这个家里。

妈妈，我想说得有很多，虽然我们性格习惯都有着很大的落差，但是如果没有你对我在叛逆时期的不离不弃，我想如今的我肯定不会等着大学开学；虽然我们一直在争吵着，对许多事情与选择都有分歧和意见不一，但似乎我们都已经习惯了彼此。有时你很晚都没有回家我会暗地里担心；有时我会心疼你大半辈子都在为两个孩子操心，对自己却十分节俭；我总觉得，你应该对自己好点儿，因为总一天我们的生命会走到尽头，所以人在世的时候就应该时而宠一宠自己。现在的我终于要上大学了，虽然我很渴望住校，但是我忘不了我无意中提起的时候你眼光中的黯淡，当时你说，‘如果你走了我会很孤单’。听了后心突然有点儿疼，又有点别扭。要知道我们向来就不擅于表达自己。也对，你的女儿长大成人了，再过不了几年她可能就嫁人了，到时我会组织自己的家庭，有自己的事业。所以我想，如果可能，请让我们在最后这几年里对对方坦诚相对，把爱表达出来不要藏在心里。如果哪一天我们其中一个人不在了，我希望我们之间不要留下太多遗憾。 

后爸，我认识您已经八年了，您的话虽然不多，但对我却也称得上无微不至。我生病的时候您会嘘寒问暖；就算是半夜12点，如果我饿了您会马上去楼下买我最喜欢吃的烧卖；有一阵子每晚您下班回来的时候我们都会小聊一会儿。虽然这期间有那么一阵子您的行为变得古怪，但如今我根本不想去追究什么，有动机也好，没有也罢，既然过去了那么我们就让它过去好了。我宁可相信您是无心而非有意的，或许您只是不懂的如何和一个孩子相处，或许您已经很努力了，所以我想感谢您为我所做的一切，包括在我生活中添加了两位和蔼可亲的爷爷奶奶，认识了风趣大方的叔叔阿姨。谢谢，谢谢我们是一家人，谢谢你来到我的生命里，谢谢你对我的关怀。

Dear Alibaba, 

As I type this I can almost foresee myself receiving a text from you that says 'awww I saw your blog so sweet ily'. Hahaha, and I love this feeling. Instead of drifting apart as our school life ended, it seems more like we got even more closely knitted given that we don't have to dedicate most, if not all our time to studying now. I swear the best thing that Vj did for me is enabling me to find back the lost friendship with you.It's simply so amazing when it comes to the idea of friends, angels without wings indeed. Well for me I won't deny that we had a great time in Sec two, sharing our np life tgt, saving a dollar a day into the metal tin,singing at the back of the class though I'm tone-deaf, being really noisy everywhere, and sometimes I wonder if I were the reason that our results wasn't good that year Hahahah too bad, I'm just uncontrollable talkative. But it was in Vj that I truly develop that special and long lasting friendship with you, to which that I can confidently tell anyone that you, are one of those few people that I will have with me for the rest of my life. Every stage, graduation, wedding, first child, celebrating our 50th birthdays, of cause not just these good ones, but also the downs that may come in our way, deaths, break-ups, diseases, we will be there for each other. We might not be the expert in knowing exactly the very best thing to say or do at difficult times,but we have our ears to listen, a shoulder to lie on, and an open mind for each other.And that's all I would ever ask for, so thank you, for coming into my life, for making me feel so comfortable to be with, for going onto adventures around the island despite your strict curfews, for making effort to text me when we have not contact for, 24 hours maybe, for noticing my feelings and thoughts on all the SNSs, for loving me, just like how I love and appreciate you too. May life be kind to us, and may we all find the strength in growing up to be stronger, yet not losing our initial self. I sincerely hope we still have a lot of time left, to embrace life and walk till the end of time together. :)

Dear 940,

Oh baby, you know damn well why I love you and why I can open up to you for anything under the sun and why I fear nothing for telling you anything. I honestly don't know how fortunate I am to have you, after all these years. You have seen the worst of me for sure, and uh I'm not sure about the best hahaha. To imagine a life without you would be really miserable, but I'm glad that it's the least of my worries because you are just there, I don't know what to continue should I start my line with 'If you weren't here' because honestly, that thought has never run past my mind before, never. Somehow magically, after two years of me in Jc and you in poly, I don't see any obstacles that have come along our way and made us drifted. I love how I can just pick my phone, type a ten texts long message and send it to you out of blue, every time after I send those texts to you I felt so relieved and much better than before. You are such a lovely and sentimental lady which it annoys me whenever I know you were upset or pissed, cause someone so kind like you should be treated like a pearl in the deep blue ocean and never make you cry.And I jolly well know what's the reason behind your tears but, agh I still love you for anything you may choose to do because back then in sec sch days, that was what you did and I deeply appreciate it. I guess that's how friends should be, we don't take charge of anyone's life, we shouldn't even give too much of advice, we should just analyse situations together and lay down everything and the rest is up to them, and for whatever choice they may choose, it all deserve to be respected and not judged. Especially not when you are such a dear friend to them. Oh baby, for now I just hope your school won't be too harsh on you, I have made it through the torturous A level, now it's your FYP. You can do it, well not like there's a choice anyway, hahahaha so put on your best, it's show time! :)

And lastly, to someone who I wish is still here in my life.

Dear Jc,

I would be lying if I were to say I don't miss you. And you know what's the biggest lesson I've learnt? That regret is one of the worst feelings that someone could carry with them,and I've been living pretty much with it since Sep. I hope you know that you are a great guy, for that I'm sure. I was in love with your optimism, your dedications in things that you do,the comfort I felt when communicating with you, and on top of all, you made me feel like a better person when I'm with you. Your influence on me was so far-reaching that it continued long after you were gone;I would spend my bus trip in the morning reliving the moments we had and smile to myself; I would put 'Summer Paradise' on repeat when I got panic before my SMU interview; I would think of your words of encouragement whenever I feel like stopping during a run. I've spent some quality time rethinking if I should, or could ask you out someday, or let's be more ambitious and take a step further, to put us back together. Yes I know that really shameless of me to say given that I screwed up the whole thing, but I suppose humans are selfish, we want the best for ourselves, we want to get what we longed for. Along the road, we all do things that we desperately wish we would undo, I don't know if it's too late to mend it now, I don't know if you are feeling the same way like I do; I don't know if it's the 'theoretically right thing' to do; and most of all, I don't know what your response would be. Maybe you have moved on maybe you gave up maybe you just don't want us to be back, who knows. But I would like to give it a try, I would go up to you and asked you out for a meal, and takes whatever response you may give.After all what's worst? A simple 'sorry I don't think we should' or carry on with my regret for years down the road? Though to be frank I have played the scenarios numerous times in my mind, and every time I would image that your answer was, no. Maybe this will ease the sadness when the day really comes since I'm prepared for it already. Or maybe you will say yes, only heaven knows. I would feel really blessed. Please accept my apology now if this, in any way, might stir up your life. But I remember you telling me that sometimes a few seconds of courage is all that you need. And right now, I'm praying for a miracle. Please don't be too surprise when it happens, for you have no idea how much courage I would need to gather to go up to you, and mumble those words out. 

Till then, you will always be on my mind. Ok all of you will always be on my mind, fair enough. But pardon me for missing Jc a little lot more hahaha, I've not seen him for seven freaking months already Hmph.