That's a really bad forced smile of today after much tearing but I just want to put it here as a piece of memory.
It's such a long night,probably the saddest one with you,ever.'Cause you have always been so optimistic and positive about life and things were never bad with you.This is going to be a really bad jumbo post I can't even think straight now. I'm sorry that I have to do this, I guess the choice was given to me, and I did not pick you. We all have aged to the stage whereby you have to stop being self-centered and spare a thought for others who love you. But I'm glad you had given me the chance to speak out all that's on my mind tonight, you have been such a sincere and truthful, boyfriend. I guess I've tried to avoid this term all I could the past six months but, you were indeed one to me. I'm grateful for not holding myself back and let you know for once, how much you have impacted my life, how much you have changed me, how much crazy moments we spent together.You taught me to have Determination Dedication and Discipline to achieve the goals, you taught me always look at the bright side and let sleeping dog lie, you have changed me to become a better person and see the world better, and I guess that's what make a good partner, they enable you to see the world as a much more beautiful place. I'm sorry for all the empty words, I'm sorry that we have painted a future together and now it's all scattered everywhere. Sigh just look how fragile relationship is, you definitely don't just lost a friend as easy as how you lose a partner.They do not just disappear from your life completely the next day. How I wish that we stayed on as friend after the confession just like how we did for the first month, I mean I definitely don't regret for all the hugs and kisses but, it's just, well, perhaps deep down I knew that this will be in our way and it will break up apart but I chose to be ignorant and continued with you anyway. Something like asymmetrical information aghh bringing in economics now is the last thing I should ever do. Alright I won't be throwing out things like "oh I will love you forever." I mean people don't do that, at least most don't. The majority fall in love fall out of it get sad and cry and eventually get over and done with it. So will I. I mean sure enough there might be that tiny little probability that we will end up together again 10 years down the road, probably when I'm old and my mum might be worried sick that no one wants her daughter anymore, maybe by then, she will let go. Well slim chance but, who knows what fate will bring on to you.
well you see people have the retarded metality that they tends to listen to sad song when they are already sad to make them sadder. Guess I'm a normal person too. Ah, it's been so long, that I felt like this. And I'm in a way glad that I do, it's nice loving you all these while., and I always felt so loved by you, even until the very last moment of today. Thank you for being so wonderful and made my life beautiful with your presence, and I wonder if this is the meaning of life, to make impacts on others'lives while bringing out your better self along the way.And lastly, like I have promised I will pick pieces of little junting up from the floor and put her back into one piece and study hard, fucking hard for A level. I will do it, for you, for myself, for all the people who love me. And occasionally I will think of you.I will wonder how you are doing and I will secretly hope that life will be nice to you and bring you nothing but joy and happiness.
Please be back, someday, and be my friend again, at least.
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