F.a.m.i.l.y.
Since I started to share memories with her, all I could remember was her asking me to study. There honestly wasn't any element of family bond or even let's-have-fun-time-together. Back I was 9 all I remember now is her forcing me to memorising vocabularies, one after another, sitting at the last row among all her tuitees who were already in their secondary schools, learning, memorising, and those life repeats everyday. Al right maybe my previous statement was too harsh, we did have some fun when we first came to Singapore, since I came in late Nov and school starts in Jan, we kind of visited the really limited number of tourist attractions in Sg. Yeap that's all. Since the first day of school in 2007 all that followed was her asking me to study hard, work hard, true enough she did not explicitly pressurize me to be top in the school or even class but now come to think of it, I don't remember her asking me for anything but to study. There was never, never a day she tell me to go out and have fun. After PSLE I was told to improve my English language, after O level I was told to memorise the Chinese literatures and poems and histories and maps.
Okay maybe I'm extreme, maybe all this in fact reflects what a bad daughter I've been. I don't know what she likes, I don't know what she needs, I don't know how, to make her smile, except with good results which shamefully, I don't have. Life always gets harder for me after each and every 'well done' in the major exams. Maybe it's a good thing that I'm so used to being pushed and squashed all the way to the bottom of school, trained to take pressure and disappointments since young so I won't 想不开 next time. I always have the mindset that should a person been doing well and top for everything all his/her life and one day she/he fails, she/he would not be able to withstand the failure. HAHAHAH THINK TOO MUCH LOL.
Kay back to mother's day. I'm still at lost. Agh. Fake a all Ace result slip give her tmr? Damn. sometimes in life I wish she didn't focus so much on my studies, well I do understand that she has been through hardships and she want me to get good qualifications and I wont suffer like she did. but, it was until today that I realise there's just so little I know about her. She is a great mother, I mean like,a typical traditional eastern mum who is willing to sacrifice almost everything for her child, her freedom, her marriage, her dignity, her dreams. But I wished she spent more time with me when I was much younger, and perhaps we wouldn't be so distant away now.
On a side note I'm really bad at comforting others because most of the time I would rather not to say anything if I have not been in their shoes, I kind of dislike it when people try to make everything so easy and simple, but I still appreciate their efforts a lot because of the care and concern they shown. I used to think twitter is a platform whereby people updates on trivial matters of their daily life to get attention, to make themselves known to others and I think it's actually kind of unnecessary. BUT HAHAHA WHAT POSITION AM I IN TO SAY THIS MAN, I HAVE 5.6K TWEETS. OHWELL. Totally taking stones and hitting my own feet. Meh. Kay signing off before I make any more paradox.
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