Collect Moments

 I went to see you on your birthday, even though I don't think you were there, but it's the only place I could go to. Although it's only been 3 years since your passing, I felt like I have lost you for much longer. Guilt consumed me for the longest time, and deep down I despised my younger self, saying words that hurt you even if unintentional, to the extent that you stopped replying to me ever. Perhaps that's when I lost you. And I never get to make amends ever, until it's too late. What an irony. Here I am seeing you as my closest friend in life, yet fucking things up at end of day. I could have done more, reply better, be there, be more persistent, put in more effort, but I didn't. Perhaps it won't change what have happened, but, I can't even say I tried.  It hurts to think that I never really know you deep down, or cared to understand, it hurts to read our texts in the final years before we broke apart, in the long texts and emails we sent to each ot...

Almost two months have passed since our 2nd overseas trip with ahbao, to Japan in April.  And I think I'm finally ready to pick up my thoughts to record the trip here for.. hmm. safekeeping? To be frank, the trip was difficult. We faced ahbao's meltdowns first hand, on an intensity that we never had. And being on the go, a lot things were not within our control and we had to adapt and react.  When people asked how was the trip when we first returned, all I could recall was the mental and physical tiredness. If anyone were to ask if I enjoyed the trip? I felt like the truth was, ofcause not, you kiddin?? But as 2 months passed, the painful feelings seem to have fade away. And browsing back the album made me realize, ah, it's good that it happened after all? Compared to 9 days of normalcy at home.  It's not like we had to drop all our itineraries and stayed hotel whole day, or fell sick, or had major mishaps, etc. Yes ahbao broke down most days, maybe more than once, but ...