Collect Moments

“Choices, numberless as grains of sand, had layered and compressed, coalescing into sediment, then into rock, until all was set in stone.”   - Tara Westover --- Staying home on an otherwise working day. Giving myself ample time for internal monologue again. One thing that I have been pondering lately is how difference am I now, compared to myself 10 years ago. I mean I am still me in person, but really am I? 10 years ago - 16, schooling, had some interest in handicraft and art, hopelessly entangled in a toxic adolescent relationship yearning to be loved, struggling with confidence issue and being very self conscious, met the closest friend ever happened to me, showed signs of minor recovery from the rebellious teenage girl I was before, but still never gave the future any good deliberation. 10 years later - 26, working in public sector, picked up pole dance, social dance and more recently painting. married to a reliable and soft spoken man who gives in to me almost all the ...

A job is a job. There are hurdles but you ought to learn from them.  But sometimes you are confused, are you not suitable, or are you just not that bright.  Sometimes you want to get it right and do the job. But sometimes you make mistakes and your work are full of holes.  Sometimes you wonder why are the others so capable, sometime you wonder if you have failed and how your bosses evaluates your work. A job is just a job but who doesn't want to do well in their job?  You wish you wrote well, you wish you could think like them, you wish you were better than you are.  But you are not putting in additional effort. You want a life out of work. You want to leave on time and put work behind you.  You want to come home and curl into a ball and do your own things. You want to be free of responsibilities and spend time with people you cherish. So maybe this is then the job. Where else would you go, where could you go. You think you wo...